I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
