Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
