gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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