My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
We left an ass print on the piano.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Randomize
