dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize