I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
