how can u be prego again
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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