Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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