So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
