i think my tv is drunk
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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