Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I can't turn off my feet"
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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