I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
