ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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