I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
