Don't make out with my wife yet
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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