Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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