Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Just pee around me
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
