Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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