oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
