I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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