why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
