I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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