It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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