i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
