Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
