she told me i tasted like america
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
