you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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