and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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