I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
