Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
