So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
