and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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