yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
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