my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
