Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
