Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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