True but thats because hes a fetus.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
