I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
