I hate your face
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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