My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Oh god it's open bar.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
