So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
