she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
