Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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