Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize