lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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