I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
