I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
