apparently the secret to your success is patron
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Dignity is for republicans.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
