It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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