I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
