rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
