My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
