so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
