mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
