Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
