Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
