I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
