Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
