Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
