I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
