So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
