ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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