Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
