Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
