shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
