The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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