Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
and you fell through a lawn chair
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
