It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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