I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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