your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize