There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
