I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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