she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
