he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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