dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
