We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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